Tuesday, April 21, 2009

The One That Worked Me Over

Pondering and cleaning? Naw I have to go with grumbling and cleaning... Most people can multi-task and I was doing it quite well, if I do say so myself. There I was grumbling to the Lord about some idiotic things my favorite person was doing, and I was doing it while cleaning the house. Oh boy, was i disgruntled. Like a hungry lion with no food in site.

God decided it was time to take several of my not so good attitudes and do a work over; and because I don't listen right off, He has had to get my attention other ways. Well, without warning, lightening broke through the sky and zapped me right on the (pause), well nevermind where...

LOL, I would've totally deserved it, but instead God being gracious like He is, gently broke through my acidic thoughts and asked me a significant question. This one question turned my thought life around. I began to learn how to control those grumbly, gripey attitudes by reminding myself that I am no better than the next person (I would like to add, that it felt like it took forever to learn. In the mean time, I learned to dodge lightening quite well *winks*). What you are about to read came from this life changing quiet moment with The One That Worked Me Over

The One That Worked Me Over

So, to get on with the story… I continued cleaning and God popped me the question, "Veronica, what is the difference between your pride and their addiction?” 

Let’s see, did I rub my chin or scratch my head (or maybe I just stood there with my mouth gaping open. That would've been a beautiful site, eh?) while I took in that amazingly meditative question? Woah!! That was deep and it changed my attitude about others and the things they do (They’re still annoying though). 

You see… We all know that we like to secretly judge what others are doing. We even like to think that what we do is right (and of course it is, right?), while keeping tally of all the things others do wrong (You can buy a tally book like mine at www.TallysForLosers.com. Just kidding). On a serious note, while there are some things that have greater consequences than others, in God’s eyes there is no sin that is better or worse than any other sin. Sin is Sin, yo!

Let’s focus on ourselves above anyone else. Then with insight we can catch ourselves before we start heading down that dreary Judgment Alley. It's a spooky, dark and bustling place, that everyone gets sucked into. We easily get bumped and shoved due to all the travelers. The consequence for traveling this Alley doesn’t seem to be painful enough; as we seem to enjoy going back over and over again (I usually travel it disguised, so no one knows it’s me, smart eh?).

Let’s be honest (*cough cough*), we all have a tendency to visit there, even when we know better. 

Remember that time you learned that reeeeeally hard lesson (Ya, that one…), I’ll betcha anything that God had something to do with it. No matter how many times your family or friends told you, it didn’t hit you until God spoke to you in your quiet moment with Him (He worked YOU). 

We come to realize that God, the one that worked us over, will do the same for the pain in the ***** in our life. So now that we know this, we can relax and enjoy people for who they are, right?
One last final thought, we should clean our thoughts, not just our house...Yo!

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Sunday, April 19, 2009

If I Could Whisper I Love You


There was a man that came into my life at a time I needed someone. The beginnings of love began to grow. When tragedy struck my life, he was gone.

I was left with the realization, that he took advantage of me in a time of need. Played his game and left me with a wounded spirit. This poem came from that experience.

In the beginning, as I made an effort to move ahead and heal, I struggled with rejection and worthlessness. I struggled with worthless wishing. I wanted to believe he was true. That I could tell him how much I loved him. Oh how I had wanted what used to be. I wished for it. I agonized over it.

Then, one day…

I realized it hurt less. I thought of him less. I felt a tiny bit human once again.

I know others, men and women alike have loved, have had a great love; have had their hearts broken and played with. I wanted to encourage you, it won’t hurt forever.

If I could Whisper I love you…

If I could tell you how much you meant to me…

I would…

If I could tell you all the times you made me smile…

I would…

If I could show you how you made my heart sing…

I would…

That you made me feel like someone…

I would…

But after you lied, after you left, after you broke me…

I couldn’t…

If I could whisper that I loved you, I would. Now…

I wouldn’t…




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Saturday, April 18, 2009

My Morning Mist

My marriage had just gone through a real tough time, matter-of-fact, we almost lost it. There are so many differences we must understand and mindsets we must rid of to be able to have a healthy relationship with others.

This day had been real hard emotionally. We had friends coming over in about an hour for a party and I was trying to find a way to relax. I often journal or write creatively in expression of how I feel internally to help me release and relax.

I had been mulling over in my mind about the differences between Eric and I. The differences between the ways we show love. I have been slow in understanding my husbands ways, but they seem to be coming to light in my heart now. As this understanding took place I wrote this…

I hope you enjoy it…

And… He loved me quietly…

I don’t know how to start really...

When I think about him, I think about the morning mist. It comes quietly and without notice. It leaves the same way, but not without leaving its evidence of being there, droplets of life on everything...

Eric, my morning mist…

It took me a long time to realize and appreciate the way he loved me. I wondered why he wasn’t as brilliant as the sun. I was looking for the sun, its directness, its warmth, its burn… As I tripped over this lack of discernment, I found myself finding fault with him. Fault for not loving me the right way. I wanted touches, and cooing words. I wanted outrageous displays of “I adore you”.

If he wasn’t displaying this type of emotion, I wondered if love was actually there. Oh how we deprive ourselves of time and wonderful moments when we can’t see the personality behind the person we love.

As I look back into the life we shared together, I saw that his quiet love was as faithful as the day that was sure to come, as steady as the ocean.

Always there…

And always mine…


 

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