Friday, June 26, 2009

From Crutches To Healing

I’ll never forget the day I began to learn about leaning on the Lord rather than man. My husband had to speak very hard words to me, and he was hurting at the thought of doing it. We were upstairs in our room and it was a private moment between us.
He said, “Sweetheart, you look to me to provide you with all the love you need, and if I died giving you everything I had, it still would not be enough.”

I was crushed and for the smallest moment, I felt very alone.

I wiped the tears rolling down my cheeks. I couldn’t speak; I couldn’t feel anything but pain. Then, the Lord spoke to me. He said, “Veronica, come seek from me everything you need. If you need love come to me, strength come, faith, healing, friendship, everything! Only I can provide for you perfectly. Only I will be there with you, forever. Only in me can you find the freedom, the joy and the peace to move and flow in a relationship with others.”

As time passed, I grew in my understanding of those very words the Lord spoke to me. There is a scripture that I want to share with you.

 Jeremiah 17:5 & 6

Thus says the Lord: Cursed [with great evil] is the strong man who trusts in and relies on frail man, making weak [human] flesh his arm, and whose mind and heart turn aside from the Lord.
For he shall be like a shrub or a person naked and destitute in the desert; and he shall not see any good come, but shall dwell in the parched places in the wilderness, in an uninhabited salt land.

I was raised to look to my parents for every need, every decision, even direction from God. So this lesson was extremely difficult for me to grasp at first. I was used to seeking man for my every need. Now the Lord was trying to teach me a new way; and I understood the concept of leaning on Him, but I didn’t have a clue as how to do it, not until God showed me. 

When I look back on that day, I can hear the Lord directing my husband with the wisdom to say those words. Although they crushed me for the moment, they were words of life. As relationships came and left, as they always do, my relationship in the Lord has kept me unwavering and secure. For those who have abandoned me, left my life or just drifted off, I’ve been able to bear the loss in a healthy way. 

The Lord cautions us to not to turn our mind nor our heart from Him. When we do, we have a propensity to mislay our individuality, our identity in a relationship with another person. Consequently, when we loose that relationship, we feel they take a piece of us with them and we fight to get it back. This can impede us from moving forward. We dwell on them, we wish that they still loved us, we can even become obsessive. This brings devastation and emptiness. 

And if that is not enough, this also gives the other person a power to control us, to make us miserable with their mind games. 

After the Lord told me in verses 5 and 6 how naked and destitute I will be if I lean on man for my needs only the Lord can meet; He then tells me in verses 7 and 8 that I will be like a tree planted by water with my roots having grown deep, green and healthy; able to withstand a season of famine, if I my identity is found in Him. You see, the Lord protects our identity and our individuality. Everything about us, even the number of hairs on our head is important to Him.

Jeremiah 17:7 & 8

[Most] blessed is the man who believes in, trusts in, and relies on the Lord, and whose hope and confidence the Lord is.
 For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters that spreads out its roots by the river; and it shall not see and fear when heat comes; but its leaf shall be green. It shall not be anxious and full of care in the year of drought, nor shall it cease yielding fruit.

Man is frail and God says so!

There is no way they can possibly meet our deepest needs. Not even in marriage. This does not mean that having a relationship isn’t fulfilling or that it doesn’t bring joy. It certainly can! What it does mean is that if our identity is in Christ, if we seek Him first before all else, then what the relationship gives us is an added bonus; plus it allows us to live freely in that relationship, without unhealthy expectations. 

The last thing I want to share is that I am writing this from my own personal experience. I understand loss. I understand how it feels to be betrayed. I understand the pain, but I also understand the Lord’s provision and love given freely. The hope and healing He has given me and offers to you. With Him we can survive a time of loss. We can endure with the Lords grace a time of transition, from one season to another.

Below is the link to Jeremiah 17.;&version=45;

With much love,

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Wednesday, June 24, 2009

The Man On The Bench

“Kayla! Where you going?” Sis called as I flew out the door. I caught the door before it slammed and replied, “Down to the park”. Ow! Bright! I shielded my eyes; the sun was always too bright after being indoors. I couldn’t walk fast enough and ran part of the way.

I wondered what he would be uttering today. I noticed him weeks ago and was curious, always alone and always there. Was he interesting? Why was he always there? Did he live around here? Did he have family that cared about him?

I’ve never spoken to him and I hadn’t noticed that anyone else did either. He liked to occupy the benches on the far edge of the park. It was shaded by scattered trees and covered with beautiful grass, which the kids adopted as a popular place to play.

I had no idea of his mumblings until I retrieved the ball Tanya tossed over by him accidently. It caught my attention so I stopped to listen for a few minutes, but Tanya became impatient. “Kayla, c’mon”, she nagged. I looked at her with an irritated smile and then turned back to him. I strained to tune out the park noise and listen. “Kayla!” she screamed. Reacting to her call, I looked at her, then hesitated and listened again, but only for a moment more. Then turning, I walked slowly towards Tanya with a glare. I didn’t want her screaming again.

I sighed and shook my head. Tanya was so self absorbed, but I loved her.

I couldn’t wait to go back. Tanya would call and ask me to join her, “No thanks”, was my reply. I wouldn’t tell her why, no matter how much she begged, I would just say that I was busy. I laughed as I could see in my mind, Tanya finding me at the park if I had told her.

His words were mesmerizing. He said things that made my heart tingle. I had never felt that way before and it kept drawing me back.

I rounded the last house blocking my view from the park and saw him. Same place, but today he wasn’t alone, again. Two others joined us yesterday, and I wondered if they would be back today? Maybe they wondered what drew me to sit with him for hours and came to check it out.

I took in a deep breath. My lungs burned after running and walking so fast, for so long. I clutched my chest, placing my hand over my heart, as though it would calm my fast beating heart, and went to sit down with the others. I looked around and marveled. Adults, teenagers, about 5 other than me, were here today. WOW! I smiled back at the lady I saw yesterday. I sat on the grass and crossed my legs to listen to him.

Ps. 37:11 But the humble will inherit the land, and will delight themselves in abundant prosperity.

The wicked plot, but God just laughs. The wicked are defiant. They attack with words. They seek to destroy those who are or appear weaker. They rage against those who keep a conviction, who are stepping out for God in faith. They try to destroy their faith.

But their own venom will come back to hurt them. Their own words will backfire and show them selves for their deceit and wickedness.

The Godly have less friends than the wicked. The Godly are moved forward spiritually, emotionally, physically and are blessed.

The wicked fall, their strength is shattered, their friends betray them.

The steps of the godly are directed by the Lord. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will not fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand.

Those with evil intentions, spy on the godly. They seek to find fault, so they can accuse them and destroy their reputation. But God will not permit His to be condemned.

The Lord moves on our behalf. He is moving behind the scenes. So be patient and don’t get discouraged while waiting. And, while we’re waiting – keep moving as God has already directed. Waiting doesn’t mean to stop – it just means to be confident in your expectancy of Gods justice. Keep your mind focused on the job put before you. Travel steadily.

Moving steadily is a posture. Posture – staying balanced, confident, faith in God, persevering, joyous, gentleness and humble.

God will honor you by giving you the promise of His plan.

“groooooowl”, my tummy rumbled. I hadn’t even noticed that the sun was setting. I must’ve been there for hours. I got up to leave. I looked back at him longingly as the distance between us grew. I wanted to talk to him, but I felt weird and embarrassed. Where was my courage, I chided myself. I would try and find it tonight.

I snuggled in bed, showering and eating always makes me tired. Who is this Jesus he talks about? I want to know..drifted off to sleep.

G’night Kayla.. Sweet dreams.

My Friend, I hope you were blessed and enjoyed the format I chose for this posting. Below is the link for Psalms 37. I hope you enjoy it.

With much love,

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Saturday, June 20, 2009

Humpty Dumpty Had An Iron Heart

I wrote this when I discovered that I began to shut out from my heart, anyone who could hurt me.

Ever since I was a little girl I had been hurt by those closest to me. 

The pain grew to a crescendo just a few years ago. I lost my relationship with my mom and dad, and then my husband shut down on me for a time, I had no one to turn too. No one to comfort me. No one to encourage me. 

Funny thing about those situations are, that if I had asked for help, there would have been people who would have given it with joy.

But people hurting as bad as I was, end up putting up walls to protect them selves. The irony of that is they also keep out the one's who could help. We really are fragile. Our minds, our hearts... under the right amount of strain and we can break.

Humpty Dumpty seemed happy sitting on his wall. Humpty Dumpty lost hope and had a great fall. 

If it was simply the question we ask, do you love me, then the reply could be just as simple, Yes, I do. But, it is much deeper than accepting as true that someone says I love you. It is knowing the depth of loyalty, devotion and affection from one to the other. It is a matter of believing that someone can be trusted enough to let them in to know and hold precious the secrets that make you you. 

For the injured one there may be a few they have let in part way, but even that produces a panic that strikes in the pit of their stomach, leaving them with the sensation of something dreadful about to happen.
When that trust has been betrayed and damaged, the injured one proceeds as follows:

Picture if you can, my heart, not red and healthy, but one that is turning Rust as a film of iron grows to cover and protect. When the process is complete, the key slot will be the only access point. 

The key that will allow you into my heart, I will hide it. I will not allow anyone find it. Anything precious, my thoughts, feelings, trusts, anything that means something to me will not be available for you or anyone else to injure. I am locking you out of the deepest parts of who I am.

If you feel like Humpty Dumpty, don't give up. Oh, please don't give up. I want you to meet my absolute best, best friend, Jesus. I know you might have heard people say disgruntled things about Him, and it's given you questions, false notions and fears about Him. But, don't you think it's time to reach out?

Look at what He told me...

I promise in My word, and I am not a man that would lie, "I will not Condemn you".

Condemn: (by the Websters dictionary) to declare to be reprehensible, wrong, or evil usually after weighing evidence and without reservation.

I love you and created you to have a relationship with Me. I long for it. I desire it. I'm waiting for it!

God knew you would need to be reminded that He has always been and forever will be, with you...

He was with you when you were happy... 
When you were sad... 
When you did things good and not so good... 
He was with you when you struggled with your thoughts... 
And when you said things you regret... 
He was with you when your friends rejected you...
And when you were alone... He was with you...
He was with you when you ignored Him... 
And when you needed Him.... 
He has never, ever left you; and you haven't surprised Him one bit, with anything you have done or thought.
So, don't let the thoughts from the enemy convince you that you should be ashamed, embarrassed or fearful to talk freely with Him. The enemy wants nothing more, than to separate you from the never ending goodness God is to you. 

He LOVES you unconditionally and if you want to be, you are already forgiven, for all of it.

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Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Building the relationship that you’ve always wanted…

Relationships aren’t about power but that's exactly how we use them. With God, we want Him to bless us, heal us, do it our way and in our timing. And boy do we throw a huge tantrum when it doesn’t work like that. What happens in the relationships we have with our mates, children, friends and parents? Oh, it’s very much the same.

When I think about my motives and watch them, I see that I tend to operate along these lines. I have to continually check myself to know where my heart is.

Those attitudes, “control and selfishness” are a core problem within our relationships. While none of us wants to acknowledge that we really behave like that, we all do, and we come to realize the difficulty of change.  

So how do we change something that is so deep-rooted?

With an an open heart and a willing spirit, God promises us that "all things are possible through him who helps us". 

A great start would be to acknowledge that we would rather be heard than to take the time to listen. Listening is a beautiful quality and it’s why I’m going to point out that we have 2 ears and 1 mouth. It implies that we need to listen twice as much as we talk.

Recently my husband and I argued about a selfish attitude we saw in each other. During our discussion *cough* fight *Cough* we were bent on each other hearing the other out. 

It took little time to realize we were getting angrier and louder. If we allowed it to continue, we would soon have regressed to the cold shoulder and stewing unkind words in our minds leading to unresolved, unforgiving issues between us. Sound familiar?

The desire to be heard is so strong, it takes a great deal of staying power to stop arguing in the middle of flared emotions! It’s important that we stop to listen, that we validate the other. 

Selfishness prevents us from seeing truth in our situation, so if we can step outside of the selfish attitude, we usually find that the other has a valid point!

I began to see positive changes in my relationships after I asked God to help me see me with truth. I was aware there was a need for change and I wanted change but had no idea how to bring it about. My intial prayer was many years ago and back then I knew I wasn’t perfect, but had the false notion I was close enough to it. So God had his work cut out.

I'm not proud that I still have undesirable selfish moments, but... If you and I stay watchful of our thoughts, and stop selfishness in it's tracks, we should be able to carry out these next steps successfully.  

I practice listening in every relationship I have. I listen first then ask questions about them. I am not quick to share about me yet, that comes later. Remembering, as a servant, my needs are last.

In any conversation, I do not plan what I’m going to say while listening. I empty my mind and truly listen. In a fight, I validate their concerns. I might repeat their complaint back to them to make sure I understand. I discuss the matter at hand only and do not bring up past wrongs.

I don't yell back when they are yelling at me. We often don’t know what to do with ourselves when we aren’t defending “us”. It’s uncomfortable to just stand there, but it’s what I do. When they are done yelling, I ask if we can calmly discuss it.

Above all, I separate love from the things I am angry about, in another words, I never use love as a weapon. An example of doing so would be to say something like, “I don’t love you. I am angry at what you did”.

Instead, I reassure the one I’m talking to, that I love them in spite of the fact that I’m mad; that my love has not and will never change.

There is so much to say on this, but I hope this will give you a great start. Feel free to contact me if you have questions. I am happy to help in any way that I can.

God’s word brings life. So, I wanted to leave the best part for last.

Romans 12:1-2

So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

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Saturday, June 13, 2009

What do you do while down in the mud?

I was talking to my girlfriend when the Lord showed me something thru the very words I said to her. “We have been high on the hog and we have been low in the mud. What I learned to do while in the mud, was to take a mud bath and refresh my skin.”

We can loose faith in hard times. So many things beat us down in our mind; the enemy, our circumstances, family members, friends, strangers and the list goes on. So when we find people who are encouraging, it’s a real gift. I appreciate the family and friends I have. Sometimes, I just can’t stand without their help. Too many times, we are told encouraging words by well meaning saints; we’re expected to liven up, forge up and forget the sorrows. To recognizing God’s Word is truth. Well, I don’t know if you have noticed, but I have. It’s not like that!

Growing into our faith walk with Christ is a journey of many experiences. Experiences He permits into our lives. When I think about this, the man from the Old Testament named Job comes to mind. Satan stands before God, accusing Job of being a fake worshiper. “He won’t worship You when he isn’t blessed and protected by your hand”, said Satan. Remember what God did? He gave Satan permission to bring a limited attack upon Job. The story ends great. Job never gave up on God and God does know, He does plan and He gives permission for all things to come into our lives. Nothing is a surprise.

Briefly, I want to share with you the life changing events that started 9 years ago. With a bird’s eye view, you will see the difficulties. We are still watching and waiting to see what God is doing. If it’s ok with you, bullet form might be best. It just seems simple and easy.

•Refinanced house, falsified documents and Loan Company closed doors. - Unresolved
•Serious medical problems for me 2005. - Resolving
•A separation from an unhealthy relationships with family. 2006 – Unresolved
•Eric has job loss. - Resolved
•Economy took a dive in 2005, our homes slipped into foreclosure. – Unresolved
•Marital Problems began 2006 – Resolving 2009
•Huge debt accumulated. - Unresolved
•November 2008 Eric has 2nd job loss, still unemployed. - Unresolved
•January 13 2009 son had disabling car accident, shattering both legs – Resolving
•January 14 2009 I was due to leave my marriage for a new life – Resolving and staying
•February 2009, daughter pregnant and sick – Resolving and baby is healthy
•March 2009, started lawsuit to try and keep house. - Unresolved
•April 2009, husband gets sick, vomiting, passing out, coughing. Trips to ER – Unresolved
•June, husband diagnosed with diabetes – Unresolved, being watched. Still coughing and vomitning.
•Life changing diet lasting a year or more for me due to the Yeast medical condition. – Unresolved
•July 2009 Bank illegally sold our loan to investment co. Lawsuit became risky. Accepted cash for keys. Had 1 week to move out, find another place to live.

I know you must have questions running through your mind about these events. They are huge. I didn’t know if I should share the details with you. Not because I didn’t want to, I just didn’t know if it would hold your interest. Each one of these events though, has been a tough, heart wrenching ordeal.

Before all that started, we had good job, a nice income, owned 5 homes and had nice cars. We had it all. We knew what it felt like to live high on the hog. Today, we are in the mud; Jobless (there goes medical), moneyless and status-less. Look how God provided though, because of our son’s accident, we found out that there is a free medical offered to the poor. (That feels weird to say. Laughing!) God reminds us that He takes care of our needs. To the Israelis, God said, “remember when I took you through the desert those 40 years? You were not wanting for anything. Even the soles of your shoes didn’t wear out.”

It’s that medical we used for Eric when I had to call 911 a month ago. I couldn’t get him to stop vomiting. That was a scary but interesting night, because God met me later. This night was part of that journey that changed my faith walk.

We arrived at the ER by ambulance. During the ride the EMT's had stabilized Eric, so the hospital staff asked us to wait out in the waiting room. Confused and furious I asked for a manager to complain. It did no good. I have never heard of a patient arriving by ambulance, being asked to get off the gurney and wait in the waiting room.

Well, 5 hours later, we were called into a room. Eric got up on the bed, and I sat to fume on the only uncomfortable chair in the room. It was then God spoke to me. He said, “Veronica, you have experienced good living, great medical and good treatment. Now let yourself experience the opposite side of the spectrum.” I understood what He was asking from me and accepted it with humility. I grabbed a blanket to lie out on the floor and without delay, fell asleep until the doctor came in 4 hours later.

I can see some of what God is doing. I can see and feel the changes happening in my heart. It’s amazing the things we expect from God. We don’t realize or want to acknowledge the vast span of expectations we have. We read and quote scripture saying that God blesses His children and understand those blessing should not be materialistic. But in actuality, we don’t want to receive it and it’s a lie from Satan. His lies separate us from Christ. We become disenchanted with Him and that’s not at all what God wants.

The truth is, God is good when we are poor. God is good when we are sick. God is good when we have and when we don’t. He is good all the time, no matter what.

In your tragedies, look for someone who can keep you grounded in God, protected and uplifted. Let yourself move and flow with the events God is sending your way. Get rid of all expectations. Allow God to take you on a journey that will change you forever.

Why Take a Mud Bath?
The most proven reason to take a mud bath is that it's relaxing. Being cocooned and buoyed up in the warm, soft mixture simply sucks all the stress out. The temperature makes you perspire, which cleans the pores. Health benefits are not proven, but a mud bath is claimed to improve the complexion, relieve joint and muscle pain and remove toxins.

Isn't it an interesting thought, that when God gets us in the mud, it's for our health? Go ahead and laugh. I thought it was funny too. I left you the link incase you are interested in soaking in the mud. "grins"

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Thursday, June 11, 2009

Never to old to learn. Never to young to teach.

My son Phen, hubby Eric, and I stopped at the Chinese Buffet for dinner tonight. It was almost hysterical how dorky I was trying to figure out how to eat crab legs.

I know, I know... you pro crab eaters can laugh it up.

Poor things were being mutilated. Pieces of crab meat flying all over the place as I tried one way, then another. During the mayhem, I handed a leg to my son and asked, "can you show me". He tried breaking, twisting.. and then was quiet for a minute. Curious I looked up from my own destruction. Out of the silence, "Mom? Here, look." He broke it with ease, pulled the meat out perfectly and smiled. 

"How did you figure that out?", I asked.

With a cheesy grin and a lot of tact, he pointed to the 8 yr old boy next table over...successfully eating his crab legs with perfect precision and joy.

Never to old to learn, Never to young to teach. 

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Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Candidias or better known as Yeast has invaded my body…Help!

God has a way of bringing back memories, slipping thoughts and ideas into our minds. He sends people with the right words to get us to the information we need. That’s what He did for me. My hope is, this information helps you or someone you know. 

Candidias or better known as Yeast has invaded my body…Help!

For years I suffered with this constant returning, nagging yeast infection. It took me weeks of cream therapy to find relief. Even the pill my Doctor gave me to kill fungus stopped working well. It was maddening, watching and feeling all these symptoms and with little or no relief. If you are a woman reading this, and you have had a yeast infection, then you know all too well the embarrassing desire to scratch the crotch, (even out in public). Oh the torment!! We quickly excuse ourselves to the ladies room to get in a good scratch for relief.

My symptoms finally extended past the *private area* and into the body. Can this happen? Oh, you betcha it can. It’s called Chronic Candidias/ Yeast syndrome or some intelligent scientific name like that.

For me, I had itchiness over many parts of my body (slightly bothersome), as well as very mild skin irritations. My fatigue made me feel like I was getting lazy; the cognitive difficulties, which has to do with the mind, tricked me into thinking old age was coming early. There was the abdominal discomfort and gas that plagued me, and not just me, but my precious little family (with whom I love to share everything with). This is me laughing as I am writing this!! At home, I could easily clear a room sending family members scrambling for fresh air. Although this was amusing and brought laughter amongst us, I'd prefer to not have the problem.

Lately I began to have pain in my hands and stomach. After repeated, repeated trips (yes I meant to double that word) to the Doctors who then prescribed pain relieving pills for the pain in my hands, antacid pills for my stomach, oral pills to kill fungus and vaginal cream for the Candida yeast infections; I was still suffering. 

(Ok, this is that God thing I told you about) I remembered a story my brother told me years ago about a co-worker who had a yeast reaction to sugar. This set my mind to doing some internet research on the subject matter at hand and found information about a condition called chronic Candidiasis or yeast syndrome.

This is a quote from one of the sites I found, it's URL is Take a look at the article when you can. “Candida like everything else if left untreated can become chronic and overproduction of Candida can lead to a wide range of physical and mental symptoms. It can manifest as abdominal pain, fatigue, skin infections, and even cognitive difficulties. There appears to be such an extent of problems related to Candida overgrowth that Candida is often dismissed as a “cause.” In chronic Candidiasis, the rapidly multiplying Candida changes form. It morphs into its dangerous fungal state and spreads. The fungal form of Candida produces rhizoids—hook-shaped barbed appendages that cut into tissue and membranes, causing pain and other harmful symptoms. If not treated, a condition called Leaky Gut Syndrome can develop in the intestinal tract.” 

Sounds fun doesn’t it? I thought, Yuk! Scary!! WOW, this can get really, really serious. I began to follow the diet recommended. Now I’m finding relief from those embarrassing, crotch inviting scratching moments, as well as the other symptoms too. We Play an important role in helping our Doctor diagnose us. With research and awareness of our symptoms in detail, we can help them better diagnose and treat us. Knowledge is power!

So there you have it! Oh wait! I said something about diet didn’t I? I’m not going to discuss what I eat in this blog, I’d prefer you read about it yourself. I’ve included a few URL links below for you to check out. My hope is that you might come across information extremely important to you and what your body needs. This doesn't mean I won't talk about it with you. So just contact me by any of my listed ways to do so on my blog page =] … and btw..happy reading.

Remember, I wrote this to simply empower you with information. If you are struggling with the same symptoms, I urge you to discuss this information with your Doctor before you change your diet and lifestyle. Make sure your Doctor monitors your health.

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